110+ Funny Valentines Day Quotes and Messages

Posted on

February seems to be the month of lovers—and that makes the need of funny Valentines day quotes increasing. If you are one of those people who need these valentine-related sayings, but with a little bit humor infused in it, you’ve come to the right page. In this article, you will find out what kind of funny valentine quotes you can include into your gift card, or maybe in other media? Well, the choice is yours.

The Valentine’s Day celebration was first introduced by the Romans in order to commemorate the death of Saint Valentine. Despite it being a death commemoration, it turned somehow to become a day for the lovers since the eighteenth century. These days, lovers all around the world celebrate it by giving out gifts and flowers for their lovers, which mostly comes with Valentines day card messages as well!

There are ways to celebrate the day; one of them is by getting the appropriate gifts for your loved ones. Gifts are just one aspect to make your Valentine’s Day meaningful. So, what are the others?

  1. Your own presence – The day will be more meaningful if you managed to meet your lovers to celebrate the day—not merely gifting him/her.
  2. The message that is tagged along – It is not a Roman tradition, though, but providing your gift with a lovely Valentine’s Day text will help to make your gift stands out.

But what if your girlfriend/boyfriend dislikes something too romantic for the Valentine’s Day? Chill out, you can browse for some funny Valentines day quotes easily in the internet.

Funny Quotes for Valentine’s Day – Funny Valentines Day Quotes

Funny Quotes for Valentine’s Day - Funny Valentines Day Quotes

It may sound weird for couples to share jokes in Valentine’s Day. But hey, not all couples are ‘united’ out of romantic words. The love for humorous words may run deep in some couples—and that’s why people are still searching for the right words for funny flower card messages for girlfriend or boyfriend.

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” – Unknown

“It’s called Valentine’s Day, you moron. If you’re going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.” – Abbi Glines

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz

“It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.” — Agatha Christie

“Today is Valentine’s Day—or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!” — Jay Leno

“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

“Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” — Christopher Marlowe

“Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” — Fernando Pessoa

“When love is not madness, it is not love.” — Pedro Calderon de la Barca

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” — Dr. Seuss

“All of my closest people say I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t really know me. – Garry Shandling

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“The Eskimos have fifty two words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love.” – Margaret Atwood

“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” – Lewis Black

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” — Melanie White

“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen

“Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.” — Bridget Jones’s Diary

“It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.” — Unknown

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham

“Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” – Unknown

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” — Cher

“I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find your glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler

“Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” — 30 Rock

“Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah

“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber

“You’re just like bacon, beer, and chocolate – you make everything better.” — Unknown

“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

“A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” — Lucille Ball

“Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.” — James Garner

“My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher

“My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” — Jacques Torres

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

It’s undeniable that for some, composing funny Valentine quotes may be difficult for some. That is because it’s quite uncommon for people to put romance side by side with humor. But still, nothing is impossible. Finding a reference where you can grab some funny Valentines sayings can be done easily by going online.

Funny Valentine Day Messages

Funny Valentine Day Messages

The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

Whoever said Valentine’s day is only for lovers? I love you my best friend! Happy Valentine’s day.

You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

You don’t always have to arrange candlelight dinners for me on valentine’s day; it’s absolutely ok to buy me some jewelry sometimes!

I don’t always celebrate valentine’s day, but I make sure I have a fake smile on my face when I do.

I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

Brace yourself for the valentine meme’s on Facebook. They don’t seem funny at all when you’re single.

I love the way people ask me about my plans on valentine’s as if they don’t know I’m single.

Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!

I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain dead because of your love!

You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

Funny Valentines Day Texts

Funny Valentines Day Texts

Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

Every man would agree that 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not sexually conservative way.

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those 3 special words… Let’s get naked!

My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

Roses are red, fitness is great, I would’ve gotten you chocolate, but you need to lose some weight.

Funny Valentine Wishes for Singles

Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How it feels like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

If you remain single for the next 2 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!

I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!

The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend. Let’s spend this Valentine’s Day high on drugs and drunk as a lord!

Do you know the very famous quote saint valentines said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free’’!

If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!

Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some times but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t mind being a security guard while you’re dating as long as you’re paying for me being drunk & grabbing some hookers from the club.

Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

Funny Valentine Messages For Her

I just found out that I have fallen in love more deeply than I had originally planned. You can take this as a valentine’s day confession from me!

What if I told you that you cleaning up all the dishes seduces me more than you whining about a candlelight dinner on valentine’s day?

If my wealth grew as much as my love for you, today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

I wish I could strip your clothes off tonight like the way you strip a bar of wrapped chocolate. I really wish I was with you tonight. Happy valentine’s day sweetheart!

My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

Before our relation, you told me you ain’t got time for valentine’s day. Well, I’ve just realized that you lied about that. Happy valentine’s day anyway!

Funny Valentine Messages For Him

A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!

If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guaranty you that!

I love you like a lazy guy loves his bed in the morning. I want you like a monkey wants a banana and I crave for you as a fat boy craves for chocolates.

When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

Hilarious Valentine’s Day Quotes Inspirations

Hilarious Valentine’s Day Quotes Inspirations

As said earlier, you can just lounge lazily on your sofa and scroll the internet for some hilarious Valentines day texts. Now when you have found some, what to do with it?

Well, you can easily put it into some media like gift card, text (SMS/chats), or maybe spreading the word through your social media. The last option is very unlikely, though, but it’s still possible to put the word as your status. Who knows your friend will laugh over the funny texts?

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — By Albert Einstein

“If you were a transformer you’d be Optimus Fine.” —Anonymous

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” —Charles M. Schulz

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” —Anonymous

“Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my knee when I fell for you.” —Anonymous

“I’m yours, no refunds.” —Anonymous

“You’re the peanut butter to my jelly.” —Anonymous

“There is no one I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to.” —Anonymous

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

“I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin ME.” —Anonymous

“If you were on paper, you’d be what they call fine print.” —Anonymous

“On a scale of one to ten, I’d give you a nine — and I’m the one you need.” —Anonymous

“Love is a game that two can play and both win.” —Eva Gabor

To sum it up, these days you can easily find any funny and cheesy Valentine sayings online. That would be very helpful if you want to celebrate the day with you loved ones—since you only need to copy the sentences and put it down on your card or chats.

Leave a Reply