115+ Funny Christmas Quotes, Messages and Wishes to Make You Ho Ho Ho

  • 12 min read
  • Sep 05, 2021
115+ Funny Christmas Quotes, Messages and Wishes to Make You Ho Ho Ho

The Christmas holiday is one of the most joyous moments of the year, yet that is not always the case. Fortunately, there are many ways you can do to brighten the atmosphere, including sharing funny Christmas quotes. All these Merry Christmas funny quotes are some of the amusing ways in which people discovered the truth about the legendary figure in this holiday.

Christmas is indeed a moment for family and loved ones. However, some of the most traditions that are unforgettable often become a source of humor. Without a few comedies, Christmas can be a bit boring. That’s why sharing some funny Christmas quotes is essential especially when you celebrate this festive holiday far from your loved ones.

Making a holiday card with funny Christmas sayings is one of the simplest ways to cheer up people. It’s because Christmas is not always a joyful moment for everyone. Many have to celebrate it on their own in the midst of a difficult situation like a pandemic.

This festive, on the other hand, can be a moment to inspire genuine concerns.  Researchers in Denmark conducted a study in 2015 to identify the spirit of the holiday in the human mind. When holiday pictures were given to the research participants, their brains showed an increased response. It means that this annual holiday truly brings joy to many people, even by just sharing funny Christmas card messages.

You can share Christmas quotes funny jokes, one-liners, and gags through holiday cards as many as you want since the recipients know you as a humorous person. However, there are some etiquettes you will need to keep in mind when writing holiday cards, such as follow:

  • Impersonal message – You may be want to create amusing holiday messages, but it’s also recommended to include one or two personalized messages for the recipient.
  • Forgetting a closing – Always include an appropriate closing that fits the person whom you send to the card. You can use “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Holidays,” “With Love,” and many more.
  • Late arrival – To avoid late arrivals due to busy times in the postal service, be sure to send your card 2 to 3 weeks earlier.
  • Grammatical errors – You may be a humorous person and you know how to deliver your joke in the holiday season. But if you don’t know how to write grammatically correct sentences, people might not get what you want to say.

Humorous Christmas Messages –  Funny Christmas Messages

Funny Christmas card sayings you find in this article are one of the many ways you can do to reconnect yourself or the recipient of the card with the spirit of Christmas. Want to put a smile on your loved ones on this special holiday? Pick one of the best Christmas sayings funny here and write them down in a holiday-themed card.

**_Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

**_I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”

**_A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!

**_Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body. Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.

**_Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

**_I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!

**_Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.

**_Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

**_Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.

**_Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.

**_I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

**_Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.

**_I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

**_A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!

**_There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

**_Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

**_Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!

**_I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

**_Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

Funny Christmas Wishes

**_I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wish you a happy Christmas!

**_Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas, sweetheart!

**_Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

**_I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!

**_Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!

**_I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being a friend of you!

**_You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.

**_One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!

**_Let us take some time to curse fat Santa for not giving us credit cards this Christmas!

**_Christmas is season of magic and mystery. All your savings for the year will have vanished and you won’t even know it. How awesome!

**_You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. In fact, you just don’t fit into the joys of Christmas!

**_The reason why everyone makes wishes every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!

**_May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!

**_Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. How pathetic!

**_This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!

**_I prayed that Santa would give you wings this Christmas so you can fly and disappear from the earth forever. Just kidding. Merry Christmas!

**_Some people have a great year in life and some years have bad people in them. Feeling sorry yet? Just kidding. May your Christmas be full of fun!

**_Merry Christmas! May you have enough time to groom yourself on this holiday. I think Santa needs to shave his beard too!

**_Remember to smile and enjoy your time. Because when Christmas is over, nobody will care whether you exist or not!

**_Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!

Inspirational Christmas Quotes

**_Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. – Norman Vincent Peale

**_Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. – Peg Bracken

**_Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. – Oren Arnold

**_Heap on the wood! – the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We’ll keep our Christmas merry still. – Sir Walter Scott

**_At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year. – Thomas Tusser

**_Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling. – Edna Ferber

**_Christmas is a tonic for our souls. It moves us to think of others rather than of ourselves. It directs our thoughts to giving. – B. C. Forbes

**_I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. – Charles Dickens

**_It’s Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air. – W. T. Ellis

**_Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind. – Valentine Davies (Miracle on 34th Street)

**_I love the Christmas-tide, and yet, I notice this, each year I live; I always like the gifts I get, But how I love the gifts I give! – Carolyn Wells

**_Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. – Janice Maeditere

**_When we recall Christmas past we usually find that the simplest things, not the great occasions, give off the greatest glow of happiness. – Bob Hope

Funny Christmas Wishes for Her

**_You’re too young to go to clubs with friends. Pray for gifts from Santa or let’s go on a date this Christmas. Merry Christmas Cutypie!

**_Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit me at night is not cool. I’d rather wish it was you in a red gown. Merry Christmas!

**_I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! I love you!

**_Santa asked me what my heart wants this Christmas! I told him your name, and he said you’re already in my heart! Merry Christmas!

**_Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!

**_Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. Witness how money disappears and how I lose my sanity. Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Wishes for Him

**_Someone woke up early in the morning to check his socks. Good for the socks, good for my morning too!

**_Sending your way, a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!

**_I Wish Santa fill your socks with candy and your wallet with money. Have a nice and warm holiday season my love! Merry Christmas to you!

**_Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!

**_Santa has already given me what I wished for so long. Now I want him to fill your socks too! Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Greetings

**_It’s hard to smile when your wallet runs out of cash but still, Merry Christmas and good luck on fulfilling the wishes of you kids!

**_Please allow Jesus to Come and Bless people in Church on Christmas; if he sees you there, he may not. So come here and have a party with me; Merry Christmas to you!

**_I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are getting fatter than Santa Clause. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Merry Christmas!

**_Anyone who believes that men are equal to women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

**_I think Santa must ride a plane instead of a sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.

**_You are allowed to have an awesome Christmas as long as I have my presents waiting at my doorstep. Have a great time!

**_Merry Christmas to you. I can see you have a great decoration there. But I think your credit card bill will not be as attractive as your decorations!

**_It’s time to enjoy the holiday, spend some real cash, and realize in the end that money is everything that we ever wanted from Santa.

Funny Christmas Wishes for Husband and Wife

**_Christmas may well be a season to celebrate for you, but for me, it means trying my ass off to save every single penny I earned this year and make it through to the next year.

**_The true magic of Christmas is when you make my savings disappear without me realizing what happened. You’re truly a blessing in disguise of a wife!

**_I wished to be surrounded by good people, not the ones that spoil my mood. But Santa told me that offer was not for married people.

**_The season has finally come for every husband in the world to go broke from being rich finally. Merry Christmas to all the beautiful wives out there.

**_What should have been a day for going to churches and attending prayers instead became a day for the wives to make their husbands’ savings disappear. This is Xmas day for you!

**_Let’s drink till we start admitting our sins to each other and then sober up realizing we don’t remember anything from last night. What a great Christmas that would be!

**_Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!

Funny Christmas Wishes for Girlfriend and Boyfriend

**_You are a huge blessing in my life (just over 200 pounds!!). I’m glad that you didn’t fall upon me directly from the sky. Merry Christmas!

**_Christmas has been postponed because I did not receive my late-night kiss. So, if you want to celebrate Christmas, you have to hug me as a penalty. Merry Christmas!

**_I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!

**_The only rule for you to follow this Christmas; don’t drink too much if I’m not there to carry you home! Merry Christmas!

**_May your Christmas be spent eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!

**_Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!

**_I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!

Funny Quotes to Share on Christmas Day – Funny Christmas Quotes

**_“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening

**_“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

**_“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.” – Fanny Wright

**_“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor

**_“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld

**_“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

**_“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

**_“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

**_“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.” – Lenore Hershey

**_“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” – Erma Bombeck

**_“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.” – Fred Rogers

**_“The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required.’” – John Leo

**_“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning

**_“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry

**_“Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don’t care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It’s beyond belief! It’s insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn’t poking his ass into it!” – Lewis Black

**_“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – Dennis Miller

**_“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.” – Robert Paul

**_“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis

**_“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

**_“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie

**_“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.” – Sean Hughes

**_“From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.” – Katharine Whitehorn

**_“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney

**_“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever.” – Richelle Goodrich

**_“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

**_“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar

**_“You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie

**_“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”

**_“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ”

**_ “Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth! ”

**_“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

A witty Christmas saying is what you may need to let yourself relax amid the holiday preparation. There is always a time for making meaningful holiday greetings, but allow yourself to sit and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate while reading a collection of Christmas funny quotes.