75+ Best Retirement Quotes: Funny and Inspirational Retirement Quotes, Messages and Wishes

  • 8 min read
  • Sep 06, 2021
75+ Best Retirement Quotes: Funny and Inspirational Retirement Quotes, Messages and Wishes

Are you looking for some retirement quotes as ideas to write on a farewell card for your retiring co-worker? If so, then the following quotes and sayings may represent your congratulatory expression for those who leave their workplace behind in a simple way and to wish them well on the next stage of their life.

According to a survey involving 2,000 Americans, about 52% of participants are dreaming of retiring multiple times a week. Most of them want to retire by the age 56 to 64 years old.

If you’re wondering of what to say to someone who is retiring or what to write on the card, here are some ideas that might be helpful:

  • Simple congratulations – A short and sweet message of congratulatory words can say a lot and is already sufficient. It is ideal if your relationship with the retiree is limited to being a business relationship.
  • Humorous messages – If you have a close relationship with the retiree, then you may want to consider sending funny retirement quotes, along with some well-wishes for them.
  • Words of appreciation – For someone who is very dedicated to their professional career, it is only right to express your appreciation and reminder of the legacy that they leave behind. It’s also a good idea to share some inspirational retirement quotes.

For those of you who are looking for ideas to write on the card beyond the simple “congratulations!”, then check out the funny retirement wishes and quotes in the following lists. Whether you want to write something sentimental or comical, you will get some inspiration by reading them.

Funny Retirement Quotes – Funny Quotes about Retirement to Make the Retiree Smiles

Oftentimes, the words about retirement are close to depressing – they remind the retiree about the approaching senility or the loneliness of old days. However, the following funny retirement quotes for coworkers will help to make the retiring person smile by taking the event lightheartedly.

**_You can retire, but you can’t retire from being great!

**_The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. – Abe Lemons

**_You’re retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!

**_There is no need to be bound by convention, push the envelope, do it weird, do it different, but most of all, do it fun! Be that cigar-chomping rock’n’roll granny if it takes your fancy. – from “101 Fun Things to do in Retirement” by Stella Rheingold

**_**_What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays? Retired!

**_Except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. – Robert Benchley

**_I’m not just retiring from the company. I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. – Hartman Jule

**_Retirement: No job, no stress, no pay!

**_Happy days are here at last, the days of nine to five are passed, you’ve worked your life and paid your dues, now you can do just what you choose!

**_ The best part about being retired is never having to request time off.

**_Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.

**_When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. – Chi Chi Rodriguez

**_Retirement is when you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you. – Gene Perret

**_Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say: “Hi, Honey, I’m home – forever.” – Gene Perret

**_Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it. – Catherine Pulsifer

**_Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. – Gene Perret

**_Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. – Jonathan Clements

If you need to share a good laugh with the retiree, then these funny retirement sayings below will help them to leave the full-time job happily and kiss the hustle bustle life goodbye.

Funny Retirement Wishes

**_Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a masters on laziness!

**_For someone who looks forward to lay around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.

**_Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

**_Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

**_No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditation’s you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.

**_All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

**_Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all, for all the years that you were working, you took things easy. Why should you change now?

**_After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.

**_Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.

**_It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.

**_Now you’re rich and fat, what can be a perfect time for retiring? You’ve chosen the right path!

**_Seeing your performance over the years you’ve worked, I’m sure that you’ll be very good at doing nothing!

Funny Retirement Messages For Boss

**_Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?

**_We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.

**_I’ve always been more excited about your retirement than my own, and you can obviously guess why!

**_You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.

Quotes For Those Who Don’t Want To Retire

**_”The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” –Abe Lemons

**_”I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can’t tell when you are done.” –Unknown

**_”I need to retire from retirement.” –Sandra Day O’Connor

**_”I’m always announcing my retirement. I’m still not retired.” –Dick Van Dyke

**_”Well, I didn’t grow up with that word ‘retirement’ as part of my consciousness. I didn’t grow up with professionals that retired. I thought retiring was when you are tired and go to bed.” –Ruby Dee

**_”Choose a work that you love and you won’t have to work another day.” –Confucius

**_”I wanted to have more time to play and reflect, but I find retirement more stressful than having a nice, steady job because I have to make decisions about where I want to be.” –Walter Cronkite

**_”I will not retire while I’ve still got my legs and my make-up box.” –Bette Davis

**_”We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work—and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock!” –Dave Allen

Funny Retirement Messages

**_Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.

**_Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

**_As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

**_All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grand-kids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

**_Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

**_It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.

Funny Retirement Messages For a Friend

**_Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, and Et cetera Et cetera.

**_Congratulations to a lazy-bone like you for completing work-life! Finally, you can go back to being your true self.

**_If life is a meal, retirement is its dessert. To enjoy it, stay fit, and don’t let your blood sugar go high!

**_I wanted to wish you a fun retirement. But with this old fat body, I don’t see any fun coming towards you.

**_I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.

Funny Retirement Messages For Husband

**_Happy retirement, love. And if you ever miss your workplace, I can be your boss, for free!

**_Finally, you’ve retired, and you cannot give the excuse of work anymore. Marriage is going to be great again!

**_Happy retirement hubby. I’m happier on your retirement than you. At least you have no excuse to make time for me.

**_Thank God, now I have a new 24/7 assistant at my home! Happy retirement to my life long helper.

**_Now that you’re done with your other job, you can go back to your main job- annoying me 24/7.

Funny Retirement Messages For Colleague

**_You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?

**_People who call sloths the laziest animals surely have never met you. You were born to retire, buddy.

**_If this workplace were a hell, which it is, you’d be one of the greatest devils of it, and you’ll be missed.

**_Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.

**_When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.

Funny Retirement Messages For Coworkers

**_This is the only time when everyone at the office will be looking up to you. Who doesn’t want to get out of this place!

**_I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!

**_Ah retirement, the days of daydreaming and sleeping till noon, all the things you’re good at!

**_I used to be excited about retirement until I saw you. God forbid that I become as grumpy as you!

**_Congratulations on leaving the job and not getting fired after missing so many deadlines!

Quotes That Sum Up Retirement In Hilarious Way

Retiring is a big life milestone in someone’s life. Different people may take it in different ways. Some might be happy about it while some might be less excited about it. Sending funny retirement messages might be able to make them cope lightly with this new life stage.

You can find various retirement quotes funny below. From one-liners to sayings, you will discover some that match with your humor style.

**_”A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” –Ella Harris

**_”Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” –Gene Perret

**_”He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.” –Unknown

**_”I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.” –Gene Perret

**_”My father calls acting ‘a state of permanent retirement with short spurts of work.'” –Chris Pine

**_”Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” –Gene Perret

**_”Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, Honey, I’m home—forever.'” –Gene Perret

**_”Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” –Betty White

**_”When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” –R.C. Sheriff

After decades of hard work, finally the time of retirement has come! For most people, it is definitely a happy time worth celebrating – where they are finally going to enter the phase of reaping the benefits of labor for such a long term. In order to welcome your loved ones or your close buddy to the age of golden years, you may use these retirement wishes funny messages and quotes to convey your sentiment towards them.

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